SchoolStress!

I would be lieing if I said that my GCSE'S were a walk in the park. If a walk in the park involved many tears, doubt, and the big S word..Stress! During my GCSE'S I was 3 years into grieving my brothers death and trying to also deal with the panic attacks I had developed and its fair to say they have changed my life. It's hard to go from such a normal life, being able to do normal simple things like sit in a classroom or an assembly hall for a long period of time to barely being able to manage a minute without panicking. I developed almost this phobia of silence, during a panic I would become really hot, my heart would race, my stomach would turn and after I would feel tired. I know it sounds absolutely nuts and I am sure there are a select few amount of people who will think the exact same but at the same time they aren't me and will never know how I feel and what my body goes through when I start to panic. I tried a lot of things to try and control the panic such as going to an NHS centre for children and adolescents , the doctors, hypnotherapy and CBT(cognitive behavioural therapy. I hated being different to everyone else not being able to sit in a lesson and having to sit in a room on my own day after day practically teaching myself. A teacher even told me that a particular subject I was doing wasn't a self taught subject however in the end I got an A in that subject. It's fair to say I had my fair share of issues with teachers who didn't quite get it. But me getting through my GCSE'S on my own proved I could do anything, I truly believe my brother was with me helping me and giving me strength. My friends Alex and Ciaran helped me through they were my saviours. They helped me escape everything they also helped me to laugh uncontrollably. They weren't only my best friends they were brothers. Myself and Alex fell out last year before we recieved our GCSE results in the summer. We had our differences, however he said he couldn't take my problems. It hurt me firstly because I couldn't help what had happened to me I was a normal as he was or anyone else and then I had someone I loved to the ends of the universe and back ripped away from me. I felt it was cruel and hurtful.

Everything has made me feel weak but I know that I have become very strong. My dream is to achieve and become the journalist and newscaster that I crave to be. And I know I will get there.

I made it through my GCSE's and I am now in sixth form. Again it hasn't been easy it is extremely hard and I had people asking and telling me that I may become unstuck in uni because of my nerves. This had set me back even more but I felt I have come so far and I am still here stepping outside my house. If I can laugh and have a good time even after my heart was broken and I felt I wouldn't be able to get out of bed again I think I can manage university.

Some say you don't know what you have until its gone. I know what I had and I loved every minute having him in my life right from 1998 when my brother was brought to this earth. My advice to people is to not spend each day like its your last but live each day wisely with the people you love. My mum and I have almost finished our book about my brother and I can't wait for it to be complete so people can share our story about a very special boy.

Tayo x