Strength isn't just a word.

Life is hard at the moment. School is stressful because my panics are holding me back resulting in Low attendance and teachers becoming concerned. I look back at my life 3 years ago and I look at it now and I feel shocked. How the hell did my life amount to this. Not having my brother, my dream to be a journalist seeming impossible,and barely having any good friends or anyone to have fun with . It's sad really because this is not what I pictured my life to be like. It just feels like my life is getting worse and worse resulting in me sometimes wishing it could all end. It may sound dramatic to some but you would have to feel what I do to understand which makes this situation even harder. The fact that my friends, people who wonder what the helps wrong with me and teachers can't possibly feel or know of what I am feeling inside and what goes on in my house makes it hard for the them to know why I don't go in. I wish I could have my life back to normal as it was but its never going to happen.

Sometimes I just want to turn back time to when I was at my happiest, when Leon was here. Growing up was amazing, as I wrote this I get some of those feelings back those lovely, comforting feelings. Sometimes I feel like I don't want to grow up if it means kissing goodbye to the memories. I just don't get why it had to be me, why my family, why my brother. To this day I still ask that question. I also ask will I ever get to a stage where I feel happy again.

The Only this that is keeping me going Is that I have a dream to be a journalist a dream I've had ever since I was little. I've always been fond of the news and take n a real interest. When I was younger I always had a weird obsession with Sit Trevor McDonald my grandparents told me of how when I was younger and the news came on with Trevor I hid behind the door because I thought that Trevor could see me in my nappy!

So that's where it all began and to this day I still have that passion although I've come to terms with the fact that Trevor can't really see me so I don't have to hide behind doors anymore. I hope I get there one day because I am stronger than this and I know I would never forgive myself if I let my nerves and everything that's happened to me destroy my chances. It's not gonna be an easy ride, I learnt that a long time ago but I have to do this I have to be on people's TV screens when there having lunch or eating dinner reporting the News I just have to!

If people like Nelson Mandela can be Held in captivity for two decades and then become the president anyone can do anything and the world really is our oyster.