I wasn't enjoying sixth form at my school, myself and my head of year had not got off to the best start and I feel that maybe it had made things a lot worse although in the end he started to show support I feel that it was too late by then for me to feel comfortable. I have enjoyed being at my school the staff and teachers have been amazing since my brother passed and I couldn't have asked for more however I feel that because I ve had some of my worst times and lows there that maybe its time to move on. Maybe its time for a change.
When I had left sixth form myself and my mum felt that maybe it was time to decorate my room. Ive had the same room ever since we moved in to our house about 6 years ago, I now want something fresh, new and more suiting to my age. I feel its a step in the right direction. The day that I was told I had to take the year out of sixth form was horrible. I am quite open with talking about the fact that I did hurt myself because the point of my blog is to be open and honest and if I am not honest people can't connect. I don't hurt myself for attention and I certainly don't severly injure myself. Its a release. When it all gets too much and you don't know what to do with yourself you go mad, you go crazy.
The worst feeling is knowing that you don't have many friends there for you by your side. Also the fact that everyone thinks everything is ok when your really not also makes you feel low. Its the same with the grieving the fact this year will be the fourth year since losing my brother, people think its all ok now because time has passed, well actually its not that simple, if I was I certainly wouldn't be this way. You can't suddenly stop hurting after youve lost someone who has been in your life for me ever since I was two. I've never known any different then to have my brother around and when thats taken away from you and you have to watch the person you love to the ends of the universe and back slowly slip away you feel immense pain. Yes it gets easier to cope with but it never goes away.
Recently things have been very different and taken a positive turn. The government have recently brought in the bedroom tax. If they feel you are over occupying you will be charged for any extra rooms you have in your house. In our case will be charged 14% more which is about £70 for my brothers room of which we have transformed into a place for myself and my mum to go in to to relax and gather our thoughts but also to feel close to him. My mum and I had also written a lot of our book in Leons room. Its a lovely place for us to go to and its terrible that we should have to pay for that.
